By Carson Burnett
One of the biggest problems with marriage breakdowns today is instead of asking the question of how to save your marriage, you are asking how do I get out of this relationship?
There is little doubt that the financial costs alone that are involved with a marriage break up leading to divorce is beginning to be enough to get people to think twice. The problem is though, finding the answers on how to save your marriage can be confusing. Here are a few steps that you can take to help you get started.
1. Stop what you are doing
To begin with you need to stop and take a breather. When a marriage is going sour there are so many emotions that flare up the focus needs to be placed on getting those emotions in control.
The problem is with the fast paced lifestyle that most people live, there is never enough time to deal with those emotions logically, and then life becomes one big turmoil.
2. Deal with the stress of the emotions
Tensions build and so does the stress. So the first step is to set the issues aside, and deal with the current stress created by the emotions ,by getting them in control. This will allow you to calm down so you can focus on the issues causing the problems in the relationship, which will then mean you can approach the solution on how to save your marriage.
3. Deal with the current emotions
This means all those feelings such as anger, hurt, and frustration, have to be dealt with now. If you can’t get them out of the way you cannot move forward to a solution.
Perhaps you are angry with your spouse for something they had done, or because your partner doesn’t understand you, or for a ton of other reasons.
You are hurt, which is a good sign incidentally because there is still love there, which is the seed for working out the problems.
You really want to work things out and put a plan of action together on how to save your marriage but you don’t know where to start.
Just by acknowledging these emotions will give you a starting point.
4. The first approach
Depending on what level of marriage breakdown you are at will determine how difficult this stage is going to be. The first thing you must create in yourself though is determination. You need to know in your heart and mind that you want to make this relationship work, and you are going to do what it takes to do so and hopefully avoid divorce.
So what you have done here is made the first move. You are beginning to defuse an angry situation. You start by telling your spouse that you care deeply for them, that you want to work out your relationship and you are willing to work at doing this for however long it takes.
Now look carefully at the chosen words here, “work at putting the relationship back together,’ this is not saying that you will give in to every demand your spouse may be making. So you do not have to resign yourself to the resolution that you have simply given in. Having this type of mindset will hold you back on working on the solutions of how to save your marriage.
At this first approach the first thing you want to do is get your spouse to agree to a truce for two or three days, where you both agree that there will be no arguing or discussing the marriage breakdown issues.
5. Take some breathing room
What you both need to do is take some breathing room and then list all of things that are bothering you, and what you feel is the cause of the problems. This is the list you will both work on when you get to the marriage repair stage.
While you are in this holding pattern try to be civil to each other, but make sure you do not discuss the issues. This cooling down period and soul searching time is the foundation for positive action.
6. Starting the marriage recovery
Now that a few days have past, agree on a time where the two of you can spend a period of time discussing just one issue each on your lists of problems. Also set a time limit. If you don’t set a time limit and a solution is not being resolved you will begin rehashing your feelings, and it will eventually become frustrating which will then turn to anger.
Continue working through your problems like this, you can be confident that you have made some good steps towards on to how to save your marriage.
About the Author: Carson Burnett is a relationship expert. For more great information on
tips to save marriage